Biggest Decision I’ve Ever Had To Make (To Date)
The biggest decision I’ve ever had to
make (to date) would be when I quit my day job to pursue my passion.
While I’ve faced some conflicting and ambiguous situations before, none
of them were as close to my heart as this one.
Unlike what most people grapple with, my
decision was not between (a) staying on in my day job and (b) pursuing
my passion. There was no doubt to me that I should pursue my passion.
This was something I knew I wanted to do since several years ago.
The decision was between (a) quitting
right away to do what I love and (b) working for another one to two
years (or more) before quitting so I could rake up more savings. The
first option would bring me fulfillment because I would get to pursue my
passion right away. The second one would put me in a calmer state of
mind regarding my financial situation.
Initially I was unable to decide because
both options had their pros and cons. Each one would aid me in some
manner with regards to pursuing my passion. Each one would benefit me in
some way. It was hard to choose one over another.
It was when I took a different tact to
the problem that the answer unveiled itself to me. This is the first
method I’d like to share with you, which I call the Fast Forwarding Method.
Method #1: Fast Forward to the Future
While I was contemplating over the
decision, I mentally fast forwarded myself to one to two years into the
future, as a thought experiment. Then, I asked myself which path I would
want to be living in.
When I did that, the answer hit me like a
speeding bullet: “Quit right away and start pursuing my passion.” There
was not even a moment of hesitation or doubt in my mind. It was very
clear what I needed to do. Quit right away, now.
Reason being that even if I was to pursue
my passion and make little progress after one year, two years, or even
three years, it would still be more progress than if I was to continue
working in my day job. Every extra day I stayed on at my day job meant
that I was delaying the pursuit of my passion by another day, and
subsequently delaying the realization of my ideal vision.
In fact, the further I fast forwarded myself into the future, the clearer my answer was. One year into the future? “Yes, I should definitely quit now and pursue my passion.” Three years into the future? “I can’t even believe I was conflicted about this decision. It’s so obvious that I should just quit. ” Five years into the future? “What am I even contemplating about?? This job has no role in my long-term vision of my life. Hurry up and quit now!!”
By adopting a future perspective, it
removed me from my present situation, which helped me to evaluate the
decision more consciously. What might have seemed crucial from a three
to six month time frame melted away when I looked at the situation from a
1-, 3-, and 5-year point of view. I was able to see what were the
things that really mattered vs. the things that might seem important in
the short term but did not matter in the long run.
Exercise #1: Apply the Fast Forwarding Method
Now, I’d like you to put this method into action.
- Consider a decision you are facing right now. It can be a small or
big decision. It can be regarding your friends, your love life, your
career, your business, your health, and so on.
- What are the main options you are considering with respect to this decision? Write them down.
Now that you are done, review the following steps:
- Mentally fast forward yourself to one year into the future.
- How would your life be like in each option? Be as detailed as possible.
- Which option would you want to be living in 1 year into the future? Why?
(If you want, redo the exercise with two
different time frames: (b) Three years (c) Five years. You should get
the same answer. If not, try to understand why.)
Example #1: Fast Forwarding in Action
Perhaps you are contemplating over a
career move right now. You are considering between Option A, to continue
in your day job which you aren’t crazy about, and Option B, to start
your business. You intuitively know Option B is the best path for you,
but you’re fearful of the downsides it might bring (such as temporary
loss of income, initial challenges faced when creating a new start-up,
and so on).
By using the Fast Forwarding Method, you
can immediately see how your life would be like if you go with Option A
(continue your day job), as compared to Option B (start your business).
When you look at how your life would be
like 1 year into Option B, you might realize that the situation isn’t as
bad as you thought it would be. While starting your business would come
with some challenges, they are only temporary and short-term. Nothing
that hard work, persistence, and proper strategy can’t fix. The income
loss from quitting your job would only temporary, since you would be
earning money once you make some headway with your business.
On the other hand, 1 year into Option A
and the downsides of choosing your job over your business becomes
apparent. You can instantly feel the weary of having to work in a job you don’t love for another year. It’s such a dreadful feeling seeing that your business is still on hold after one year. And you feel regret for the 1 year of your life that you just wasted for not doing what you love.
It’s clear what you have to do. Quitting
your job right away and starting your business is the answer. You need a
few days to properly plan this out and think this through before
sending in your resignation letter, but at least now you know what needs
to be done.
Fast Forwarding: Great for Decisions where there is Fear
The beauty of the fast forwarding method is that it’s a simple thought experiment that lets you instantly “see” the realities of each option over time.
This helps you to recognize if an option will lead you to where you
want to be or if it will simply lead you to a dead end, rather than wait
till one, two, three years later to realize this (and in turn waste
that precious time).
Upon “seeing” the outcomes, you get the answer to your question, thereby ending the decision making dilemma.
I’ve found this method to be most
effective in situations where one is fearful of taking action or where
one is too settled in his/her comfort zone (to make a change).
Sometimes, the fear of not realizing our dreams can be a great driving
force to “push” us out of our comfort zones and offset whatever fear we
might be facing in other areas.
Method #2: Ideal Vision
Albert Einstein once said: “No problem
can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” If
you want to break out of your current problem, you need to adopt a
different frame of mind – the mind of someone who has achieved your
ideal vision. This is what I call the Ideal Vision Method.
Exercise #2: Apply the Ideal Vision Method
Consider a decision you are facing right now. (You can use the same situation as the previous exercise.)
- Think about your ideal vision with respect to this area of your life.
- Imagine you are living in your ideal vision right now. What would the You in your ideal vision do in this scenario?
Example #2: Ideal Vision in Action
Let’s say your good friend is starting a new business and he invites you to join him as a partner.
His proposal puts you in a fix. Your
friend is highly intelligent. You know this business venture will
definitely take off. You respect him a great deal and you know this will
be a great opportunity to learn from him and tap into his networks.
It’s an honor that he is inviting you to join him.
However, you are in the middle of
starting your own business at the moment. This is based on an idea
you’re very passionate about and you’ve been meaning to do this for a
long time.
You know that either of the ventures will
take up a considerable amount of your time and it’ll be tough to manage
both ventures at the same time.
Using the Ideal Vision Method, first
create your ideal vision in the area of career and business. As it turns
out, your vision is to turn your passion into your career. You want
your business to be renowned in its industry. You also want to earn a
substantial income from your business every month, which you know is a
natural consequence of being really good in what you do.
As the You in your ideal vision, it
becomes clear that you have to reject your friend and focus all your
efforts on starting your business.
While the opportunity with your friend
looks tempting from the present perspective, you realize from your ideal
vision that it’s only going to divert your attention from realizing
your passion.
You know that success, learning opportunities, and business networks
are all things that will come your way as you work on your passion
project.
Ideal Vision: Crucial in Removing Faulty Thinking
The interesting thing about the Ideal
Vision Method is that the answer you get is probably dramatically
different than what might seem sensible from your current perspective.
Yet, that doesn’t make it any less true though.
Many times, we are not able to break out
of our problems because we approach them with faulty lenses. The issue
here is that these faulty lenses is the precise cause of our problems.
Approaching our problems with these faulty lenses will only perpetuate
our problems due to the faulty solutions we come up with. In the end, we
dig ourselves deeper and deeper into our problems, going nowhere but
downward.
The Ideal Vision Method prevents you from making circular decisions. When
you approach your decision from your ideal vision, you remove yourself
from your faulty lenses, faulty beliefs, and faulty thinking. You adopt
the mindset of someone who has already solved the problem; who is in a
heightened state of consciousness; who knows what it takes to achieve
your ideal outcome. This clarity is paramount to break out of your
problems – permanently.
Method #3: Listen To Your Heart
The last method, the Heart Method,
taps into a fundamental core of what makes us, us – our hearts. You can
also think of this as listening to your gut or intuition.
Exercise #3: Apply the Heart Method
Consider a decision you are facing right now. (You can use the same situation as the previous exercise.)
Now, close your eyes. Clear your mind. Think about nothing but this particular decision you are facing.
Listen to your heart. What is your heart telling you? What is it gravitating toward? That’s your answer.
Example #3: Heart Method in Action
Let’s say you have a friend, B, who
betrayed you before. You have been unable to forgive him for that
incident. Because of that, both of you split ways since three years ago.
About a year ago, he tried to reach out to you. You ignored his correspondence because you are still not able to forgive him.
Recently, something came up which you
need his help for, because of his background in the subject matter.
There are two paths you can take here: Reconnect with him or seek help
somewhere else.
It’s not necessary for you to reconnect
with him because there are other people you can approach; plus it’ll be
awkward to talk to him again after all these years. Not only that, you
still feel resentful for what he has done and it makes you feel annoyed
to have to approach him. Logically, it seems that you should just
approach someone else.
As you listen to your heart, it tells you
that you should just put this resentment behind you and reach out to
him. Not because you need his help, but because holding on to the
resentment is silly. You are hurting nobody but yourself. He has reached
out to you before, which means he has already taken the first step; yet
you are still being an *ss by refusing to accept his connection.
Your heart also says that your
connections in life are more important than any motivations or agendas
you might have. Love, not hatred, not fear, is the key to living a happy
life. You can go about living your daily life as if none of this
(baggage surrounding your friend) is relevant to you, but it does not
deny the fact that you are still resentful toward him and you are
denying a connection with him because of that. This resentment that you
carry around you is only making you a weary soul. It pulls you down; it
doesn’t lift you up.
Forgive him and reconnect with him, not
for him, but for yourself. For the salvation of your soul. Love him as
you would to yourself. Stop viewing him with tainted glasses. Give him a
fresh chance. This is the answer your heart gives you. Subsequently,
you realize what you need to do now.
Our Hearts Act as Compasses for Our Lives
I think our hearts are incredible
compasses for our lives. Somehow, they have the answer to problems we
are facing, even when our logical minds have not caught up on the
situations yet. When honed over time, they can be incredible decision
making tools – even more powerful than logic.
I’ve found that the decisions I’ve made
using my heart have turned out to be highly astute, even though there
might not be specific data backing up my thoughts at those times. Over
the years, I’ve learned to rely more and more on my gut feeling, and
less and less on other factors. I still use the logical mind for many
situations, but at the end I leave it to my heart to decide what I
should do.
For those of you who are in computing,
IT, engineering, or very logic-centered jobs, the idea of listening to
your heart might be hard to grasp. The concept of emotions might be very
abstract of you. In fact, you probably experience them as a giant blob,
rather than individual feelings. That tends to happen if you’re not
very emotionally aware.
Emotional awareness is something that can
be built up though. Just like the neural connections in your brain that
strengthen whenever you recall something, your connection with your
heart strengthens when you consult it more regularly. Be aware of how it
feels with every situation you are in. Involve it more regularly in
your decision making.
While at first it might not give you much
insight on your decisions, over time you will find that there are times
when your heart gravitates more strongly toward an option than another.
Soon, you will see how it’s a more powerful decision making method than
logic-based approaches. It seems to have a way of knowing what will
work and what will not work, even before your brain catches up.
Putting it Together
Using any of the three methods above
should give you a clear answer on what you need to do. Sometimes it’s
possible that one method gives you a fuzzy answer. If that’s the case,
use any of the other two methods and the answer should unveil itself.
With respect to my past dilemma
surrounding whether to quit my job or stay on for another one to two
years, the reason why the dilemma even came up in the first place was
because I was no longer happy doing something that wasn’t my passion. My
heart was calling out to me to do something about the situation. When I
considered my ideal vision, it seemed as though either option could
work out fine.
It was ultimately the fast forwarding
method that sealed the deal. When I fast forwarded to the future, it was
immediately clear to me that I should just quit and work on my passion
right away than prolong it any further.
If you use all three methods and get the same answer, then that’s a clear sign that you are on the right track.
I haven’t had a situation where my
answers conflict with one another. They usually point to the same
general direction. I don’t think it’s possible to get very conflicting
answers here because these three methods are ultimately meant to lead to
the same place – your ideal life.
Reviewing Your Decision
Ultimately, your decision should satisfy certain criteria. Ask yourself:
- Will this decision bring me closer to my ideal life? (It should; otherwise why are you even making this decision?)
- Will it make me happy? (Your decision should make
you happy. If it represses you and makes you unhappy, then you’re sort
of missing the point. Life isn’t about being unhappy. It’s about doing
what you love and enjoying it every step of the way.)
- If I don’t do this, will I regret it in the future? (A good
decision shouldn’t cause you to experience regret. I always think it’s
better to do something that you’re unsure of and see how it turns out,
than to avoid it and wonder what could have been. At least with the
first path, I know I did my best and I have no regrets.)
If you get a “yes” on the first two questions and a “maybe” or “yes” on the third, then you’re on the right track.
Rounding Up
Sometimes, you might get an answer that
you don’t like from one of the three methods above. It’s possible that
it’s not something you want to take on right away. It’s possible that
it’s not even something you want to think about.
There are times when I get answers which I
don’t like. However, it doesn’t change the fact that there is some
truth behind them. Actually, a lot of truth.
I’ve found, from experience, that it’s only when I stop running and start embracing the truth that I really begin
to resolve my problems. As I mentioned above, faulty thinking leads to
faulty solutions, which perpetuates our problems. To solve our problems,
we need to approach them from a different place.
I hope you’ve found this article useful.
What you decide to do is up to you and it’s your decision to make. I
wish you all the best.
